You are my birth father, but nothing more to me anymore. I have a dad and he takes very good care of me. I am writing this not to upset you, but to let you know that I am okay, more than okay, I am happy and I live a great life.
Recently mom asked me if I was ever going to forgive you, and while I said "no" right away, the question has lingered in my mind. The conclusion that I have come to is that no, I cannot forgive you. But I do not wish bad on you. I do not like the things you have said and done in the past and for me to try and forge a relationship with you would be too hard, too hurtful and not healthy for me. I used to say I was waiting for the day Spencer and Tyler had the same feelings for you, because then they would understand why I was not present in their younger years. That was selfish and childish of me. I hope you are able to maintain a healthy relationship with my brothers for the rest of their lives, for their sake and for yours.
I work in a nursing home and I see people who have dementia, mental illness or who are just plain mean. I see people who have children that will not come visit them or have anything to do with them because of things that have happened in the past. But I love them. The man who drank himself into dementia by the age of 62 and who acts out all day, I love hearing his stories of the past whether they are true or not. I can smile warmly at him when his clothes are mismatched and dirty from lunch. I am not embarrassed when he makes a sexually inappropriate comment about me because he truly does not know any better. I do not know all of his history, but I do not judge him for what I do know. His three sons cannot love him right now, but I can and I do every day.
Loving these people when they have others who cannot, this has taught me a lesson. It has helped me bring peace and closure into my situation with you. I cannot love you, but I truly hope and believe that there will be someone out there who can. I have learned that love and family have nothing to do with blood. I am going to let myself off the hook now for being unhappy with you, and be content with that fact that I can share my love with these people, and that someday you will find yourself someone, who knows, maybe a social worker, who can love you.