warning:this will not make you want to be a social worker
Today I am very overwhelmed with...well I guess with everything. My job, my feelings, other people's feelings, money. Being a social worker can be emotionally exhausting. Sometimes I miss school. I was good at school. I knew what was expected. I knew if I worked hard I would get good grades. There were syllabus, outlines, explanations, people to ask questions to who pretty much always had an answer. In real life, in this job, I feel like I am just winging it. Today someone came to me with an eviction notice. How am I, 25 years old, supposed to be in charge of helping someone with something as important as housing for himself, his wife and his ten year old child. I had this man, who is much much older than me, with no clue what to do, coming to me and trusting me, looking to me for answers. Since when did I become the person with the answers? I had a grown woman in my office screaming and crying...wait a minute...isn't that my part? Not anymore. I was calm, reassuring. I started making phone calls, one call after another to figure out a plan to keep a roof over this family's head. And after two long hours, I actually had gotten somewhere. I mean, hello, when I am at home sometimes I break down and cry over having to make one phone call about my mail or a medication. How did I keep it all together and actually help these people? The best answer I can come up with is: my mom. She taught me how to be strong, organized, patient, graceful and helpful. That and a damn good education at Bridgewater. Tonight I do not really feel like giving myself any credit. Because after leaving work I feel cranky, irritable, tired and snappy. I suppose if I had it all together I could come home and be normal. How on earth will I be a social worker AND a mom someday? I guess I will just have to keep working and find out.