slipperylppery6 (slipperylppery6) wrote,

happy birthday dear kendra

 Today is my 21st birthday.  i can't sleep.  i have so much going on in my life and in my head.  henry and i are fighting.  big time.  this may lead to a break up.  its not that i want to break up with him, but i am just so sick of drinking and partying always meaning more than me.  is it so bad for a girl to want her boyfriend to take her on a date once a weekend? especially if she doesn't see him all week? i am not paying 500$ to have my car here just to go party with him.  thats who i am.  take it or leave it.  i understand he is a party person and i accept that, but if he doesnt have time for me or cant make time for me then i dont know if it is really worth it.  i am so sick of this feeling.  the feeling of never being enough.  yesterday i wanted to cut again.  like really bad.  i havent had those feelings in such a long time.  fuck all the guys who have ever made me feel this way.  i know i am young and i expect a lot more drama and heartbreak in my life before i find the person i want to marry, but henry and i were just so real.  it was actually healthy.  i am ready to move to a different point in my life, to grow up some, and he isnt.  i thought that would change after his drunk car accident and totaling his car but i guess not.  i miss grandpa.  i miss writing good poetry.  i finally am starting to feel close and have fun with my friends again.  maybe i need something extra in my life like religion.  i just don't know.  wi my father send me a card today?  will my brothers even know its my birthday? i just dont think so.  i want one great day to be about me. 
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