slipperylppery6 (slipperylppery6) wrote,

it hurts so bad

it hurts
so fucking much

i want to scream
as loud as i can
for as long as i can
just to get this feeling
out of my chest

i miss him
so much
the only man
who i can ever say
was truly a constant in my life
from day one
saving me from my father
and many other things
teaching my mother
the grace of the world
so she could pass it on to me

it makes me sick to my stomach
to think of you as gone
sometimes tears roll down my cheeks
and other times they just flood

there were so many things
i still needed to tell you
but i never quite had
all the right words

i know that you are an angel
in heaven with your brother 
your mom 
and your dad
and the pain of the cancer
is no longer inside your body

but if i had just one wish
i would wish to spend one more day with you
eating blueberries milk and sugar
watching bullriding on tv
or to go for a ride on the puk
asking you to hit all the bumps
feeling the wind blow through my hair
and feeling so safe in your arms
i was too little then to know the word
that best described how i felt
and even now, in college
not one word seems quite good enough
but if i had to label it
i would call that feeling invincible

but maybe that is a lie
the story of my one wish
because if i had the chance to be with you again
i'd hold on tight and never let go
my love for you is insaitable
and i will do everything
to make you proud

i never thought this day would come
but maybe god needs you up there
maybe he needs you to help build the skys
becuz he saw how amazing 
your doll house was

so much of me wants to be up there with you
but i know that my time here isnt done
you have given me so much
opened up so many doors for me
so once i am done
making you proud
and doing all the things you knew i could do
then i will come up to heaven with you

grandpa, do you promise to take me
for a gator ride in heaven?
i'll even help you pick up sticks
and we can be bed partners again

until then i will sleep alone
wiggling my toes in my sleep
while i dream about you

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